constructive feedback

When _(observation)
I feel (emotion)
because I’m needing some _(universal needs).
Would you be able to (request)?

You arrived 10 minutes late to the last three team meetings.
I am frustrated
because, as a team, we need efficiency.
Please, could you be on time the next occurrences?

I have received an answer to your email only after three days.
I am frustrated
because I need to work efficienctly.
Please, could you respond within 24 hours?

if answer negative/impusive, find out their universal needs.
like "do you feel hurt because your hard work is not recognised"
like "is there more you would like to say?"

if answer inacceptable, establish boundaries.
focus on meeting your universal need (not punitive).
empatise not only with the others, but also yourself.

observation

observations versus evaluations

"You are unprepared" -> "I see no notes"
"You did nothing" -> "Trello is same as last week"

emotion

emotions versus thoughts

communicate the evaluation, not the impact
find root cause emotion (anger -> hurt)
find personal (not externally caused) emotion (judged -> hurt)

"I feel judged" -> "I feel annoyed" "I feel rejected" -> "I feel hurt"

universal needs

universal needs versus strategies

underlying interest / need (decoupled of environment / people)
"I need your support" -> "I need support" (avoid blame)
"Please include me in CCs" -> "I need transparency" (communicate interest)

universal needs (non-exhaustive): - Autonomy - Collaboration - Consistency, Clarity, Integrity, Transparency - Recognition, Respect - Reassurance, Security, Support, Understanding

request

requests versus demands

request others to fulfil your need
versus demands which may go against their own interests

specific, postive-formulated, open to alternatives