never split the difference

communicate actively

especially important for person in weaker position

understand

  • listen intensively
  • show empathy and sincere desire to understand
  • validate emotions by acknowledging it ("it sounds like")
  • repeat last 3 words / main points to signal understanding

explain

  • "stop me at any time you feel it is unfair"

trigger no's

  • helps to feel in control
  • "is now a bad time to talk"
  • "have you given up on the project"

negotiation preparation

leverage

  • positive (something they want)
  • negative (can make them suffer; loss aversion makes this more powerful)
  • normative (where other partie's values conflict)

reflect

  • choice of words
  • choice of clothes
  • beliefs & ideas

negotiation one-sheet

  • set optimistic but realistic goal, discuss with others & write it down
  • summarize known facts that lead up to the negotation
  • also include non-cash offers

get information

perform accusation audit

interesting information

  • who do they report to
  • what is their audience (team / environment)
  • what signifies status / reputation
  • what most worries them
  • what are their (personal) dreams

calibrated questions

  • to reveal interests & overcome deal killers
  • what makes you ask
  • what about the deal is important to you
  • how can I make this better for us
  • how would you like me to proceed
  • how can we solve the problem
  • how will we know we are on track
  • how do we address things if we find we are off track

accusation audit

  • confirm suspicions
  • like "it seems like ... is valuable to you"

ungarded moments

  • observe behaviour when felt unobserved
  • like before / after meetings, interruptions, ...

price negotiations

accusation audit

  • "You are going to be insulted by my offer"
  • "I am embarrassed to tell you my offer"
  • "You are going to think I have not done my homework"

anchoring (unfair)

  • give extreme anchor to set the stage
  • compare with similar deals in high range

anchoring (fair)

  • use precise calculated (eg non-round) numbers
  • let other suggest first (might be higher than what was hoped for)
  • add non-monetary things

deflect anchor

  • answer with own unreasonable anchor
  • restart from principles ("what are we trying to accomplish")
  • non-monetary ("what else can you offer to make this a good deal")

decrease offer

  • in decreasing steps, like 65% -> 85% -> 95% -> 100%
  • add non-monetary offer at limit

use own name

  • what is the florian's discount?

stuck negotiations

getting a no

  • what about this does not work for you
  • what do you need to make it work

reason for unrealistic expectations

  • ill-informed
  • constrained
  • hidden interests

loss/risk aversion

  • clarify what is lost when deal is not striken
  • imaginary (profits) or real (turn off installation)

rejection

  • "thank you for taking the time to talk to me"
  • "that is more than fair"
  • "but just does not work for me / I cannot do that"